Charisma: compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others: a divinely conferred power or talent: personality, presence, character, magnetism, attractiveness, appeal, allure.
The talent to have people like you is the key ingredient to success anywhere at any level. Selling yourself is the key to success whether you own a business or work for it. No one buys from a company nor promotes a person that they do not like. And if you are in the job market: No one hires anyone that they do not like. Therefore, knowing how to create a positive connection with others is critical to success. There is tremendous truth in the saying: “First impressions are lasting impressions.” This is true in all relationships.
The premier book on this subject has sold 15 million copies and spells out in simple detail the basic principles of successful human communication. It was published in 1936 and is as a critical read now as it was then. Its author is Dale Carnegie. The book is “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Here is a synopsis of the eternal truths that it contains:
Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You
This section was included in the original 1936 edition as a single page list, which preceded the main content of the book, showing a prospective reader what to expect from it. The 1981 edition omits points 6 to 8 and 11.
- Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.
- Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
- Increase your popularity.
- Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
- Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
- Enable you to win new clients, new customers.
- Increase your earning power.
- Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
- Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
10.Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
11.Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.
12.Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.
The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are quoted below.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
- Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.”
- If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10.Appeal to the nobler motives.
11.Dramatize your ideas.
12.Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise every improvement.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
Letters That Produced Miraculous Results
This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.
In this chapter, the shortest in the book, Carnegie analyzes two letters and describes how to appeal to someone with the term “do me a favor” as opposed to directly asking for something which does not offer the same feeling of importance to the recipient of the request.
Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier
This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.
- Don’t nag.
- Don’t try to make your partner over.
- Don’t criticize.
- Give honest appreciation.
- Pay little attentions.
- Be courteous.
- Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.
Mark Baird
