It is very sad to see how the stress of military life and continuous deployments, especially to combat, is crushing so many marriages on our US bases. Their families already endure so much. This plague of divorce is absolutely devastating these young couples.
After the military is also stressful to a couple. Many divorces occur then too. Transition is often the most difficult time in a military couple’s lives. So here is what my wife and do.
My wife and I have been married for 25 years. I know that she loves me. And I love her too. We spend most of our time together because there is nowhere else we would rather be. We are grateful for being destined for eachother. But there are times when one or the other offends, is rude, insulting, disrespectful, and even mean to the other. It happens.
My wife cries when I hurt her. I don’t shed tears when she hurts me. My feelings will turn off instead. But I loathe these moments, as much as she does too. And for 25 years I have been trying my very best to avoid them. I tell her “I love you.” I sing along to her favorite songs with her, buy her presents. We ride bikes and swim together, love watching movies: and, somehow our bedtime romance just keeps getting better. – We are a true, loving couple.
But all of us are born not perfect. We all make mistakes, say and do and think wrong things. And in the process, we hurt others. It’s unavoidable that we will do so. Therefore, there must be a plan in place to follow when these unfortunate moments happen. Because those that love us the most get hurt the most.
The Lord Jesus gave his followers this instruction: “Forgive those that hurt you. Do not repay evil for evil.” I think that is the key to getting along, and having a lasting marriage. As my dad would always say, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.”
So as much as possible, my wife and I take a deep breath and swallow hard when one of us mis-speaks or mis-steps. We let our hurt feelings just float away down-stream, instead of reacting by taking verbal offense. I have learned this lesson thoroughly in my long life. The other may cause the pain, but to react in like manner will always makes things worse.
Honestly, so far I have not always been able to practice what I just preached. But I love my wife so much that I’m going to die trying.
To check out some more great articles about military marriages click HERE.
Mark Baird
P.S. Patriotic Hearts, (a 501c3 non-profit) holds Military Marriage Retreats for US veterans and their spouses. These are 3-day romantic retreats at luxurious hotels, with gifts and great food. There are 5 marriage seminars and workshops that our guests attend during the retreat. We keep these to small groups of 8-10 couples. That way the couples can work together on common issues. – We are always looking for citizens to sponsor a couple. Please check out Patriotic Hearts.org.
